The intensity is really hard for me to manage. Last night was awful. I only had one glass of wine, with benadryl, to finally go to sleep. I was squatting alone on the floor of my kitchen, sobbing silently, after yet another unpleasant evening together. I actually had the urge to cut, which I have not done since I was a distressed teenager. I just called a psychologist to make an appt. I need help. I'm falling apart trying to manage my life alone. My babies are beautiful and they heard us fighting yet again last night.
(edit is to add that distressed teenager was over 20 years ago)