Originally Posted by
involved 
I know I was a willing participant in that mess...can anyone share anything about this kind of relationship?
The best thing to come out of messes is reflection on the extent to which I said "yes" to the mess every day that I was involved with it. Participation in Al-Anon is showing me that life is so much fuller, richer, happier and calmer when I take my focus off of all the perceived wrongs I was done and keep it on asking myself why I said yes to the extent that I did. Even better, when I keep my focus on what is interesting and fulfilling for me now that I've opted out of the mess. One thing I've learned is that nobody can diminish me unless I go along with it. Seeing my part in everything is enormously powerful and uplifting because with this perspective, I always have choices.