Maggie;
Hello and welcome.
I share most of you story and had the same shame. Only at home, thinking most did not know but had many nights (and even holidays) that I blacked out and could not remember. At first this really scared me! How could I do something to myself so that I would not remember what I did? And was I in control then? The power of the addictive drug made me keep going.
I am a big believer in self-responsibility and owning my decisions. But I also could not get myself to stop, or so I thought! I had convinced myself that I could not stop. When I talked about it with my wife, she would ask me why I drank so much. I had been doing it for too long that all I could say (that made sense to me) is "Thats what I do"! How silly is that.
I went to a therapist and when I told her I believed I could not stop drinking, she said that is ridiculous! Unless someone is forcing booze down your throat, it was me deciding to drink After more talk it became clear how I was deciding to drink and obvious that I could decide not to drink. Her telling me that I can stop made me believe.
Maggie, I am telling you that you can stop! It is your choice! Is it easy, of course not. But you are in control of you. You can do it!
Sending all the positive energy I have your way!
