oh boy, the bottom has surely come
Hi, my night has turned to sh** since I got home as it often does on Friday night. When I arrived home, my husband was not here. After a while he arrived home, very drunk and belligerent. He was riding his motorcycle in this condition. And did I mention that he does not have a motorcycle liscense? In the two years since we got the bike he has not gotten his liscense. So I am calm and do not respond to his comments designed to bate me. He makes me dinner, but has nasty comments about serving me. Still I do not reply. Then my daughter comes into my bedroom to try to coax me into letting her go on spring break. She is 16 and wants to go to another state with several girls to stay at a condo with other girls with no adult. Not to mention that there will be college students there partying. So she and I get into an agrument with raised voices. This is when my husband comes in and starts yelling too. He puts me down saying that I let my daughter manipulate me etc. Still I do not respond. Then when my daughter goes into her room, he starts to yell at her and demand that she come into the living room. This is when I loose it. I go in there and tell him to leave her alone. He makes fun of me and I start yelling at him and hitting him. I am so angry that I can hardly see straight.
Now I am in my room, crying and felling like I have lost another battle. I feel so low. In this house when I go in my bedroom, I can still hear him in the kitchen and living room yelling and berating me. So a boundry that says that I won't stay in the room with him doent help me much. I could leave the house, but where would I go?
These are the times that I feel so helpless. I have tried to detach. But I am sensitive and the conflict gives me so much pain and anger.
One other thing.....I attended a Woman's wellness weekend. There were several New Age type women there. There was someone that does Reiki healing. I signed up for a session. I talked to her about my husband and our problems. She did a reading on my and said that she felt dispair coming from me. She did some healing to ease the dispair. I'm not sure if it helped or not. One thought I picked up at the conference is that it is a reflective universe, so what is the situation around you telling you about yourself? I don't know.
I feel so confused, I am not looking for sympathy. I just don't understand why I keep creating this experience for myself. Thanks for listening.