Thanks all. I have thrown it all out on a few occasions. Then I go to the store and buy more. It never lasts more than one night. It's almost like I forget how sick, depressed, and fed up I am all day. I don't even think of it once that switch flips. I can't even go one day at a time. It's insane how the moment when I start looking forward to that glass of wine at night, everything else, all my reasons to stop, just disappear. Like the shame, nausea, weird injuries, etc, didn't happen, even though I'd been in misery all day about it. I just go and do it again. I can't throw it out. Just the thought of it gives me anxiety. ???? So bizarre.