My Marriage is Failing
it's not due to my drinking. Even though I've relapsed a bunch, I have been sober enough to know something is missing with us. When I was drinking hard, I could mask it. But not now. She offered to quit drinking with me, but this past weekend she had a "girls night out", and came home hammered. And when we're sober together it's like watching paint dry.
I am not going to go on a bender. But reality is setting in. She doesn't love me. At least not how I want to be loved. It is transactional. I makes good living, and I take care of her daughter and mother. Pay for her school and new car. She's be crazy to leave me now.
I feel so alone. I am 49 years old facing a failed marriage. Funny, had I not been trying to get sober, I would not have realized this. Booze masked the fact we are emotionless together without alcohol.
So I will go home, and she will study (she's in grad B school), ignore me, go to bed, and give me a peck on the lips in the morning. booze won't make that better. At least I know that.
Damn.