Is My Boyfriend An Alcoholic?
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Deep down he's a good man. Always there for his family and even my daughter who isn't his own. And myself. BUT...of course the BUT ugh. He's a heavy drinker. He was before I met him which surprise was at a bar. Shoulda known huh? But honestly at that time I was newly divorced and trying to let loose and have fun and we were introduced by a mutual friend and hit it off. In the beginning the going out was fun. I would meet him out on nights my daughter would go to her dads. As our relationship progressed and he moved in he'd still go out. Mostly after work for a few beers, and our weekends without my daughter. I thought nothing of it as we were still learning about each other and having fun. I started noticing, well not noticing so much as getting annoyed with the fact that he'd actually drinks to get drunk. Fast forward to now nothing has changed but me. I'm fed up. Everyone around us is growing up, engaged, buying homes and he rather waste money on betting on sports and bar tabs. He says he loves me wants to marry me but his actions don't change. When he's drunk he's all about broken promises of being a better man and I think he actually believes himself because he starts tearing up. But the next time it's like the bar/bets pull him back. His acid reflux is getting worse because of his weekend consumption. He stopped during the week only because I put my foot down. I hate to say he has influences because everyone is responsible for their own actions but at first it was his peers. They would have to take shots until they could barely stand up. Now that they are all getting married he hangs with his brother and an older crowd who do the same. We went to the shore earlier this month and him and his brother drank a whole bottle of whiskey until they threw up. It was disgusting to me. And he wants to try for a baby. No way in hell. His other older friend texts him to come out and it's like he gets antsy. He can't stay in. He makes great money and has nothing saved because it all goes to wasting it on bar tabs and bets or just crap he orders on the internet that a juvenile would order. Granted he's younger than me but like I said his peers are all settled so it's not the age. His dad was an alcoholic and turned around. It's in his family. His uncle, his one aunt is mentally ill, his sister is on drugs and very depressive. So I know he's battling demons. I thought being there and loving him would be enough and I know I shouldn't be so stupid. My last straw that led me to post is for the past 4 months since I told him we need to cut back going out to save it's like he's miserable or punishing me by sleeping his nights away when he has to stay in. There's no romance or date nights or anything that makes him happy unless he's at the bar with other ppl. He doesn't even fish anymore. He can't stay in the house. It's very hurtful to me. I mean when I'm out with him he's attentive to me but it would be nice to have that alone without the bar and friends. We have a lot of weddings coming up he's in and others invited and so he's very quick to cut back on date nights because of that but his brother wanted to watch NASCAR last weekend so we go out for that. It's hurtful that's more important. He slept all night Friday night and Saturday bc he worked all weekend and instead of spending time with me today he goes and gets drunk with his brother. Then realizes I'm upset and tries to sweet talk like always. This time I told him don't say a word. Just leave me be. And so here I am. Exhausted and hurt. And tired of starting over. Yes I knew he liked to have fun in the beginning but like anyone else I figured we would settle down eventually. He wants the best of both and I can't. But what I began to realize is that I really think this is an alcohol problem. I didn't at first because he always worked hard and did overtime. I imagined an alcoholic to be in the bars from morning to night like my stepdad. But my boyfriend cannot stop himself sometimes once he starts drinking and it gets scary. Not to mention annoying as he starts making no sense and it's like taking care of a child. It's not attractive. But when sober. He's great! I don't know what to do anymore.