I read your post and thankful you are "letting" your thoughts out. This is NOT a sign of weakness. This is a sign of strength!
If I can be honest... you should go to AA meeting. You will be amazed that you are not alone and many people struggling just like you.
Even if you are nervous to go.. just go. You don't have to say anything. Just listen.
You need to make a new fresh start.... your confidence will be there is you don't drink. Drinking strips you of your confidence.. don't you see.
You say people treat you like crap... really? Couldn't just be how you Perceived the moment. Imagine same moment .. straight clean sober. I bet you'd have a different perspective.
Seek help.. AA .. see your doctor too ..
This can be your New start Brother.
Make today a great day ... Stay close to SR too!