And that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I don't want to find out how far I can go from here. I don't want to find out those true depths...because I was there before. This isn't the first time I've lost a job to addiction but it was because of marijuana and I truly lost everything that time. I had to join the Army just to get out of it. But the drinking just got worse and worse and I never learned how to get help for the undying problem that I am a true addict. First a pot head now 10 years later an alcoholic. I'm terrified at this point to even drink man I don't know what else to do right now so I came here to just type and vent.