4MyBoys

So, I used to post here a lot. I just checked my account when I last checked in and it was almost exactly three years ago.

I am not sure where to start. My ExAH was drinking again.

I left him about 6 years ago after him being very, very verbally abusive for a number of years. He was drinking way too much daily. I didn't want my boys to see that as normal. The added bonus was he was a very decorated police officer. I fought for years and was finally able to prove and get him to admit he had a drinking problem. The court ordered AA, counseling, the whole nine yards.

The boys and I have had a relatively calm last couple of years. Until late last summer, early fall. I could tell something was wrong with my older son. After many, many talks he finally broke down and told me his Dad had been verbally abusing him like he used to me, over everything. That his Dada pushing him had started. But now that he had told me, he was terrified of going back. My ExAH had gas lighted the boys into believing he knew everything they said at my house. They thought the house was bugged.

He was so terrified of going to my ex's house for his weekend visits, that the school got involved, called CPS who did nothing. Never even spoke to me. Even though my older son said he would commit suicide if he had to go back. Courts finally listened after he told them that. They had ignored two early filings I has submitted saying things were going south.

Since the end of January, my older son no longer has to visit my ExAH but the courts still require my 9 year old to go for two 5 hour visits a week by himself. Even after the police had to be called to a baseball practice he was running as the coach because he was fall down drunk. The cop just told another Dad to not let him drive home because he had to go to another call before practice was over. That was in May. Even after my ExAH got a DUI coming home from an All-Stars baseball practice that started at 5:00pm. Which means he must have been drinking while watching practice. That was just last month.

He is working some sort of program with the VA now, and I think the DUI may have saved his life. He looked like he was heading for liver failure before he got arrested. Now he looks pretty healthy.

I hate the system. I have been working within it and been proved right with my accusations of his drinking over and over for the past 6 years. Yet they still keep giving him chances. I am soooo tired. For 4 of the past six years I would say I have been in the court room every other month or so for something because of his behavior. It is a joke in courtroom and with the attorneys, regarding how big the file is.

I feel broken now. He is clean for now, but I don't know how much more I can take. When are they going to decide enough is enough?

I feel so guilty that this my my children's childhood. I picked him and can deal with my consequences but I can't stand that I can't keep them safe.

Is anyone else tired of fighting? I just had to vent to the only people who really understand it.

4MyBoys