jeff - drinking didn't fix it the FIRST time, and it won't fix anything now. our life is an endless SERIES of choices - and no one knows what our life might "look" like if we made A different choice along the way. all we DO know is that every choice we made got us to >>You Are Here<<. and none of the ruminating or contemplating, wishing or wondering can change that. we can't even change what we had for breakfast this morning, unless we have a second breakfast, but it still doesn't eradicate the FIRST one.
if you take anything with you out of this self-reflection take this - make thoughtful choices NOW. stay within your morals ethics and values. walk the path of least regret.