Brenda,
I feel the I didn't respect booze enough in the beginning. I thought it was a way to have my cake and eat it too. Make the world go away. But, it was addiction.
I always liked being drunk as a kid. I always looked forward to it. Then I got addicted. I figured out a way to drink and function. I had successes while being a drunk. That made it ok...too me.
I needed to be buzzed to meet girls. I was brave when drunk. Sober I was quiet. Drunk I was more relaxed and confident.
I feel like others, that drank normally, don't really like being drunk. Ive heard it makes them feel out of control. I chased the buzz. Normies don't.
I feel like our issue now is all but settled. We have the desire to quit because we now respect booze. But now we are wired in a way that 1 drink leads to an eventual loss of control. A relapse.
We are lucky to have learned about addiction and booze in time to not end up blindly going to a dr and getting double medicated. Thanks to the internet.
I feel that it is easier to disregard booze now than this time last year. I don't feel like I am missing out. I feel like I am living a new type of life. I don't regret my drinking days, except for the days when I got in trouble. I had many good times being an uneducated drunk.
Hope this helps. Typing this out helps me keep things straight. In my mind, all these thoughts and feelings kind of fly around...jumble and mix. When I type them out, they organize.
Now I am educated and proud to be very clean.