I also can't say with my hand on my heart that I didn't know the nature of his problems when I decided to marry him - and that I therefore didn't know what I was getting myself into. I'm also conflicted about the appropriateness of setting an ultimatum. I know that I can't change him, and that any change has to come from him and him alone. But I also feel as if an ultimatum from me might be the only thing left which impresses upon him the seriousness of the situation; or the importance of getting his health in order.
The above was posted by you on
August 1, 2016, doesn’t appear that much has changed in this past year it's only progressed.
Did you ever give that ultimatum?
and it might well be that my need to get clarity and perspective from Alanon with regard to my own future vastly outweighs any awkwardness or inconvenience I might otherwise feel about going to the meetings. I suspect it would greatly enhance my bargaining position with my husband potentially returning to AA if I committed to going to Alanon in parallel, but again I don't know if I'm looking at this in a completely flawed way...
Bargaining position? Bargains and ultimatums just don’t work for the long hall.
I think it all comes down to, is this the way you want to live your life? It’s been a year and nothing at all has changed except now he wants to add more to the mix (prescribed Naltrexone).
You going to al-anon is about you having a real desire to change
YOUR life, not his. And him going to AA would be his desire to change his life and this past year doesn’t look like either one of you truly had that deep desire.
Do you really think confronting him softly or head on is going to change anything? I think you need to get some boundaries in place first and more importantly a direction you wish to head in. The direction of him not drinking/drugging has already been traveled, so now what? What's going to be different this time?