Originally Posted by
hns0685 
Hey Missy, welcome! Today is day 5 for me and I actually have been through something very similar. I have social anxiety/agoraphobia/severe panic disorder. I was prescribed klonopin and xanax after my husband passed away in 2009. Pretty soon they weren't "enough" so I started to drink a LOT on top of those, especially when I had to leave the house. In 2011 I checked myself into an inpatient treatment center because after doing some research I realized that detoxing from both alcohol and benzos would be extremely dangerous. Have you looked into that at all? Do you have health insurance? These days they make it pretty manageable to get in and set up a payment plan. If anything, I found it to be a really nice 28 day reprieve and allow me to just reset. I maintained 3 years of sobriety after that experience. I relapsed in 2014 and my sobriety has been off and on since then.
But this is the biggest thing I wanted to tell you- the thing I have noticed with drinking and having severe anxiety is that as you know, alcohol is a depressant. So as soon as alcohol starts leaving your body, you get a rebound anxiety that is much worse than if you hadn't put it into your body to begin with, does that make sense? Same with benzos- especially if you're taking a short acting one like xanax. When they start to wear off, you get a rebound anxiety that is worse than if you hadn't originally taken it. I think benzos have their time and place for traumatic events, but they're not meant to be used long term. I really really hope and pray that you can get out of this cycle. Once I was able to break it, it's AMAZING how much better my panic is! I still struggle with it but it's not the shaking, intense fear that I'm going to die like I had when I was using substances to try to "control" that feeling. Even after 5 days sober I feel so much more at peace. Please message me if you have any questions. We're all here for your and rooting you on!
Thank you for your reply and very sorry to hear for your loss. I didn't expect to get all these replys so don't know where to begin
. I know exactly what you mean with the rebound anxiety and horrendous panic attacks after taking the pills or after drinking ,just had two days of it where I went out had to go dentist so sadly had to hav a drink to get in the car to travel 17 miles plus took 6 ml of diazepam and then the rest of the day led to drinking and not really eating ,well that night early hours I wake up shaking sweating racing thoughts of I'm going to die I can't breathe or walk etc etc ,so reach for pills and spend the whole day constantly aware of all symptoms going on which makes me more panicky so take more pills and we'll was like that until night time . I just wish I didn't have this reaction to alcohol, long for a normal hangover, u no where your sick ,headache just feeling rough not all these horrendous panic attacks where I'm sobbing and frightened for hours on end . Sorry for rambling on,am not used to these sites so not sure where and when to stop ! I live in Cornwall uk and have no health insurance, we do have a nhs that does provide rehab n that but to be honest it's pretty rubbish - my father died of alcoholism and I was his carer before and I remember quite clearly that he had to be sober before they would even consider him for detox ??it was to show willing I spose ...I know and understand what everyone is saying about diazepam not being for long term use but I have tried every drug going ,and can never handle the side effects so my doctor eventually agreed that if diazepam enables me to go out and control horrible feelings of a panic attack then I would stay on them ,he has now left unfortunately and I believe that they have done new trials to suggest it can cause alztimers (sorry for spelling ) which is why they are cutting me back . Thing is I would never have been able to have worked the last ten years if I didn't have them ,currently not working as had breakdown last year which I think has led me to drink more and more ,on my own mostly
very sad I no ! I could go on and on but il leave it there . X