Confused, and not sure whether to be worried
I last posted in here about a year ago. Long story short: at the time, my otherwise loyal, loving, kind and funny husband had been drinking increasingly problematically for about the previous 2 years. This was worrying for a number of reasons:
1. He's had bariatric surgery, and I have reason to believe the smaller size of his stomach has rapidly reduced his tolerance level - he gets visibly drunk considerably faster.
2. A historic illness has left him with mobility issues due to damaged nerve endings in his feet. In an intoxicated state he can therefore be very unsteady on his feet and prone to falling (and potential injury)
3. Historic issues with substance misuse, including a stay in rehab within the last decade.
4. Smokes, takes no exercise, the usual "future health prognosis" is not good-type stuff.
By last summer, social occasions of most kinds with him were fairly uncomfortable if not borderline unbearable. We had a series of arguments which came to a head with me telling him that the logical consequence of things carrying on as they had been was me getting out of the way for a while, i.e. a trial separation. He seemed to heed this message and signed up for AA meetings, a sponsor and seeing an alcohol counsellor once a week.
Although he is still attending counselling, over the last 10-12 months his contact with AA and the sponsor has slowly but surely dwindled to zero - in part because of what he claimed was irritation at the personalities of other people there, and things said. He was also beginning to express irritation at having to be abstinent on family birthdays, Christmas, New Years Eve etc. More recently, he began to mention naltrexone as a possible solution to the impasse. For those who don't know, it is a medication typically used to treat opiate addicts which blocks the high. With alcohol, it doesn't stop people feeling intoxicated and doesn't stop the symptoms which cloud rational judgement, but I think the idea is that without a buzz, more sensible consumption results.
Again, this worried me as it suggested he was looking for a pharmaceutical mechanism to resume his previous habits without addressing the underlying issues. About five weeks ago we went away for a short holiday and he took some and resumed having wine at night, without any dramas. Last weekend a very old friend of his came to stay the night and despite him telling the friend about the wonders of naltrexone, he pretty much appeared like the drunk of old... and became pretty obnoxious. At some point during this past week I heard a subtle hint of how he used to slur pretty much every night. And then last night, I discovered an empty bottle of vodka in his usual hiding place of days gone by. For the last year this was the situation I had feared as it was his previous nightly vodka mixer habit, often consumed alone straight after work, which convinced me he had a problem.
I know I am probably being over sensitive, and maybe catastrophising. He has a demanding job and I do sympathise with the default assumption by family and friends that all socialising is accompanied by alcohol, and how difficult it must be to stay abstinent in such a culture. However I really need some perspective and second opinion on the naltrexone thing. If it were just being taken daily to alleviate awkwardness at social occasions as and when we got invited, I could understand it. But then I wonder why he has reverted to exactly the pattern of consumption he had before, even if supposedly there's no longer a euphoric feeling available from it. He is also not being prescribed it by a doctor, he's ordering it online. I know he had mentioned it to his counsellor but I don't know if he's being open with her about the fact he's now drinking again.
I don't know if I should confront him about this sooner rather than later, as I don't want to make a delicate situation worse. I also know that I don't want resentment to build and build and for relations to deteriorate between us to the extent they did last time.
Anyone who has been there and done that, or who can comment impartially on this type of situation, I'd really appreciate hearing from you. Thanks in advance.