" I walked away, came back in a little bit to have another drink, which mostly just gave me anxiety because I know that I am not a drinker anymore, "
bronzie, you really can't have it both ways.
when you're not a drinker, you don't drink.
when you come back to have ' another drink', you're still a drinker.
your thinking isn't in line with the facts.
grasping what was factually true served me better than the stuff i wanted to be true.