Originally Posted by
halfalife 
Thank you for all the responses.
I suppose building myself and life into someone who enjoys it all to the degree that I would never conceive of allowing alcohol to be part of the equation is what I'm seeking. I know it will take work, and so far the effort has reaped rewards. Maybe I will regain a sense of what I have to offer in life sober as time goes on.
The pink cloud has never surfaced though. Physical aspects of sobriety are good as I would have hoped, but mentally and emotionally...it's an uphill climb. Made me wonder and pose the question and ask if I should focus elsewhere in my recovery.
No urge to drink at all most days surprisingly. Just ready to feel a sense of peace somewhere/somehow.
Thanks again to all that responded.
It took me about 18 months of sobriety to start feeling more comfortable and good. It was pretty much a dogfight the whole time though but I lived 2 miles out of town and had no car so I wasn't in a position to do AA or anything like that.
I gradually started to get outside of myself and that's really what the big difference was. There's a huge difference in the way I approach life now but it isn't something I specifically set out to do. It just occurred with sobriety. Just being present and experiencing everything that happens in life instead of pouring alcohol on it was a massive change and to be honest I was pretty raw emotionally eventually which was a big surprise as I had always been quite stoic.
But to answer you original question, I never put much thought into why I drank. I had a million different reasons. I drank because I believed I liked the sensation of being drunk better than I liked anything else. But I hadn't experienced anything else really. My world was tiny and self absorbed.