Sobriety takes a lot of work!
I am experiencing this now. I notice that if I'm not at work, doing something or keeping busy, I have to focus on recovery type work. Maybe it's the quiet moments with myself where the anxiety creeps in and I get those AV thoughts. Then I know I have to read, post, write, work on my self care, deep breathing, etc. I know how much better I fee when I drink water or tea. I know the alcohol doesn't cure my anxiety, it worsens it.....and probably even causes it altogether. I haven't been sober long enough in my adult life to really know for sure.
Today was a really hot and long day at work, and I was feeling anxious and irritable when I got home. I had stopped to get cigarettes (which I also don't need) and thought I would test the waters and get 1 cold beer. I only let myself buy 1. I haven't drank since I started on the naltrexone, so I think my curiosity got the best of me.
Well, I opened it and took a few drinks while I was eating my dinner. That was fine, nothing felt really. So I chugged a few more drinks, and it didn't make me feel better. I walked away, came back in a little bit to have another drink, which mostly just gave me anxiety because I know that I am not a drinker anymore, and that was a dumb idea to even buy a beer. So then I just lost interest and had some of my cold soda instead. I just did not want the beer, so I just poured the rest out. Now my curiosity is gone, and I feel like I can go on about my night peacefully.
Just wanted to share that experience with you all, and it helps me to post. Like literally, I feel much more calm now than when I started writing this. Thanks for reading. Hope everyone is doing well.