[QUOTE=L337Lady;6521509]
Originally Posted by
Ariesagain 
You say you've been an alcoholic for ten years...was this boyfriend around that long? Is he physically holding you down and forcing you to drink?
QUOTE]
He actually broke up with me today because of my actions. But no, he and I were together for 15 months. He does not hold me down and force me to drink. He enables, encourages, and influences for us to drink together. I do know that I made the final decision to drink that night. I'd just like to understand how he can think that I was the only willing participant in jeopardizing our relationship when we both know the consequences. You start to forget that he said he would break up with you if it ever happens again when he is the one telling you we should get pint of crown. He thinks he can justify is addiction because I cannot justify mine when the impact of my decision to drink overruled his.
-Throwin myself a pity party.
I agree with applewakesup that it's probably for the best that you've broken up.
I too can relate with being a Mr. Hyde when blacked out. Actually, for me, it starts when I get drunk and after that, all bets are off. However, I have never, thankfully, been physically violent. I think if I had been, I may have woken up with a few broken bones or not at all.
There is a saying, though, that kids and drunks are the most honest people. So you may need to examine your relationship with your now ex to see if he was truly someone you were happy with. Perhaps there was some buried resentment you carried, either towards him or men in general (perhaps stemming from past relationships). It could, however, also be from the trauma of growing up with a violent, alcoholic father. Therapy may help.
Another thing I can relate with is the enabling. While my husband doesn't like me drunk, he still goes out and buys me tons of alcohol. I realize that he's in denial of my very deep problem. The one time I admitted to him that yes, I am an alcoholic, he seemed so disappointed that I've not mentioned it again. So he's still in denial. Plus, even knowing how crazy I get when I drink, he still says that he misses his drinking partner when I'm in my sober times. No excuse to drink though. We would be much happier with him drinking alone since he doesn't have a problem with it.