AV is really trying to do me in. From the time I get up in the morning, my mind just goes, 'How are you going to get through this day? You need a drink. Sneak a shot of whiskey, or gin, or even beer (so embarrassed to have done that in the morning. So stupid.) Not that whiskey or gin is any better but, you know that there are people/cultures out there where drinking a strong shot in the morning is normal (my husband is from such a culture - Balkans).
And then, when I was cooking in the mid morning, again AV was at it...., 'You know you usually have a gin and tonic while cooking. It's OK. No one will frown upon it.' God! I don't even want to drink at those times anymore!!!!! My body is averse to it mentally and physically. The times I've 'forced' myself to drink in the morning has only led to me retching and puking it all out within a few minutes of ingesting. Why why why is mind acting against me? I love being sober. I mean, I often drink when I don't even want to - like my whole being is telling me no no no! What's wrong with me? Is this like the dark before the dawn? At least I acknowledge I don't even like the taste, the stupid buzz, the drunkenness or the blackouts.
I'm sorry if this is a downer on the weekender thread. I didn't really want to start to a whole new thread.... I have the hang of this particular strain of AV. It's the night time AV that still gets me. The one where I tell myself I deserve it after a long, hard day's work? That one.
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I hope everyone else is doing great