asixstringnut

Sorry this is a bit long.

Wow today at midnight I will have 2 weeks under my belt. I never thought I could put 14 days sober together again.
My last drunk night was awful. I did things I swore off years ago and woke up feeling like I just wanted to die. I will not bore you with the details let’s just say it was not a pretty night.
The week previous to my last drunk I was drinking a fifth of vodka a day starting as early as 10 am some days or buying a box of wine that is the equivalent of 4 US bottles and almost draining the box.
That same week I found myself looking for cheap places that do cremations.
I am sure you can see what state of mind I was in. I was really considering doing myself in and not leaving a mess for anyone to have to clean up after me.
But I got down on my knees and asked for help.
Mind you I am not a believer in god or the bible but I do believe that there is a power greater than me at work here.
So I begged and pleaded and cried. “Please help me quit drinking”. I was as desperate as I ever have been in my life to quit.

So fast forward to today:
I now have two weeks alcohol free. I am nowhere near as depressed and I have actually felt moments of joy and happiness. Something I thought had left my life for good.
My Blood pressure was 112/64 today with a heartbeat of 59 compared to a month ago where it was 174/ 89. I am not on any medications I have lost 10 pounds and I feel like living again.
Everything is far from perfect I will admit. But I don’t care about perfect today. Today I care that I have 2 weeks sober and I have a different attitude about drinking.
I know I can’t ever pick up another drink if I want to lead a somewhat happy and normal life. I actually believe if I drink again it will kill me. Maybe not the first drink but I know that is where it will take me.

I have been reading a bunch on here and trying to be supportive to the people who are struggling with this thing we call addiction.
I am not great with advice I just try to speak my truth and what is working for me.
There are so many to thank on here for the kindness, advise, support and friendship that you have shown me. I cannot begin to name you all so I will just say Thank you ALL so so so much.
I have been collecting signatures that helped me in the last two weeks.
My hope is one of them will help someone out there as well.

So lots can change in 2 weeks. My signature is “Don’t ever quit trying to quit”
I urge you all please don’t ever quit trying to quit. There is hope.

Thank you all. asixstringnut.

Sometimes easier said than done, but the happiest and most content I am in sobriety is when I'm fully accepting of the fact that there is no circumstance under which I can drink.

Your Magnificence Knows No Boundaries

No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.

Your spirit, your light, your soul will return.

It is not change that is painful, it is the resistance to change

Success is making yourself do the thing you need to do when you need to do it whether you like it or not.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

"....if you can't walk, then crawl...." –MLK

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. -Carl Rogers

Pressure makes diamonds.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

Always have a plan. Protect your sobriety as if your life depends on it......because it does!

You will never possess what you choose not to pursue.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

A few bad chapters does not mean your story is over.

we can all expect to do a little spilling and burning in order to learn to cook.

It took decades to walk this far into the forest of dependency. It may take some time to get back out again :-)

Make a plan.
Work the plan.

Recovery . . . Imagine the possibilities!