Hugs to you. I recognise a lot of how and where I was at the start of my journey in your post. I too could not bring myself to be honest, and hid behind half truths. Even to my counsellor. Pointless hey?!
You say you're going to AA now. Hopefully you will find a sponsor and work the steps. Then the promises can start materialising for you - and they do! They really do! (But just just from sitting in meetings). Things can get better. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I found recovery at times to be a little like a tide creeping in while my attention was elsewhere.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB xx