Keep a journal and write everything down. Read it on the calm days when you're not in panic mode or self preservation mode. Write down everything you can remember - the whole story and read that when you're calm. What you have tolerated and permitted will probably blow your mind when you see it there all together. Think about how your life will be if you add a few major life crises into the mix - cancer, death of a loved one, natural disaster. Is this a person that can help you get through those times or will they make them worse?