Not Sure What to Do
My wife and I have not lived together for over 4.5 years. She has stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. She has been in 9 rehabs and 7 sober livings. I would have thought after 4.5 years out of the house and not seeing her younger girls (10 and 12) very often, she might have tried harder to get better. In this time 4.5 year time frame, she disappeared over 145 days where my girls and I had no idea where she was.
Most recently, she was kicked out of her sober living May 7th. Was in the hospital detox 4 days later. After being released, she disappeared for 10 days (missed Mother's Day). On the 11th day, the hospital called me and told me she was in the ICU on a ventilator because she was unresponsive. After she got off the ventilator, the hospital kept her for 10 days because she threatened suicide. From the hospital, she went in to a 3 weeks rehab (her 9th). After she got out, she managed to convince her mom to help her get an apartment which I felt she was not ready to have because there are no rules/consequences regarding her drinking. She has been in apartment for 9 days. Her daughters and I have not heard from her in 7 days. On Monday, I asked the apartment manager to do a welfare check. After that (Monday afternoon) my wife texted me "I'm fine. Leave me alone" but there were major misspellings. I believe she is drinking. It is not Thursday and kids still have not heard from her since last Thursday.
I don't know what to do. I don't have access to the apartment and she clearly wants to drink and not talk to anyone. So, how far do I go? Do I continually keep doing welfare checks? If she doesn't want my help, should I still help? This would be easier if this was the 1st time but it is not. I have searched for her and saved her life 15+ times when she was gone.
I have young girls that have been through a lot (in the car when she was drunk, she stole $ from them, she pushed my oldest daughter into a cabinet to get a bottle, she has fallen down the stairs and passed out while she was home, ambulance has gotten her 10+ times while they were there). This is why is stopped her leaving with me. I do not know when I should stop helping a let what happens happen. She could easily die from drinking. She has been on a ventilator 3 times since this started.
Any advice for tired husband and a scared dad?