Hey Mizz
Heh, I read about your situation with work. Sadly, it is a common occurrence. In fact the book I am reading, 'Scaling Excellence', has a name for it: a clusterfug. Which is the authors being polite
Essentially its when senior management command staff to undertake work for which the objectives are vague and what is required to be done is not outlined in sufficient detail. The reason being that senior management have no idea of the work required and are unsure themselves of what are the outcomes to be delivered. Consequently, staff (who are usually hesitant to question too much for fear of being seen as incompetent) spend a large amount of time second guessing and trying to achieve the stated objectives. After a while, senior management get impatient with the 'delays', poke their noses and then get upset at the work achieved. Hence, a clusterfug ! Unfortunately I have experienced this many times. Usually the fuss dies down and management focuses on something else. However, it is so frustrating as staff because of the finger pointing and lack of appreciation for the efforts made !
I lost my job shortly after getting sober. I did not miss the irony of that. Then spent a long time trying to figure out what to do next. Concurrently, I also focused on my recovery plan. After some stops and starts, I figured I wanted to be am employee again. My current gig is as an employee. I am grateful but it didnt come by luck. I had to work hard on reinventing myself to land that gig. However, its not fulfilling as it doesnt properly utilise my core skills and experience which I have now discovered is what I enjoy doing most. I have just landed a new job which, hopefully, does solely focus on my core skill set. I will find out when I start at the end of July. Gulp !
I figure its not about being ungrateful. Its about being able to contribute the most value add to an organization. For me, that is using my core abilities and work which I enjoy. By doing that, I provide the most benefit to an organization. I dont believe that is being selfish. My current employer will find a replacement who, I have no doubt, will do a better job than me because the replacement will have their heart in the right place. Hopefully, my new organization also gains.
Thanks for the post. I've been thinking along those lines a lot for the past few months !
Hope you are well.