Welcome to a friendly, helpful place DesperateMama - we know just how you feel.
Most of us think alcohol will help us cope with stress - but it ends up doing just the opposite. My anxiety was horrible when I was drinking every day. It was never fun, relaxing, or calming in the end. I was miserable, shaky, and everyone was disgusted with me. No way to go through life. You can get free. Glad you are here.