Yes, I think you summed it up, FA. If an Alanon group is indeed wallowing in the problem and not searching for solutions, that's not a healthy or useful group, and the newcomer would do well to move on.
I'm also surprised to hear that Alanon allows the use of non-conference approved literature. I don't think that choice is allowed in my area, as I know of one group that chose the AA Big Book as their book study. Because of this, the local Alanon office refused to list that meeting in their directory, and the only way you could find out about it was to talk to someone who attended. I know this b/c I had called down there for info, not seeing it in the directory, and was told rather snootily that there was no such meeting, and if it used the AA Big Book, it wasn't an "Alanon" meeting.
We called it the "Rebel Meeting." I attended several times and it sure seemed like a good enough meeting. One cool thing they did that I had not seen before was that one of the last things they did before closing the meeting was to go around the circle and allow anyone who wished to, to ask for prayers/thoughts/wishes for anyone they chose. Then there was a moment of silent prayer/meditation. No "Alanon cheer", no Lord's Prayer (which is the ending of virtually every meeting in my area).
However, there was a meeting closer to me and at the same time that was equally good, so if I went to a meeting on that day at that time, I usually went to the other one.
Sounds like that was purely local prejudice, then, about what constitutes a legit Alanon meeting, from what you're saying, Lexie.