Hi notgonnastoptry,
I've was also consumed with guilt and shame from some of my actions when drinking. Not sure if this will be your sort of thing but if you are feeling as desperate as I was you might try it (or it might just be right up your street)...I searched for self-forgiveness guided mediations online and honestly found them to help lessen the feelings of guilt and shame. It is something I have to keep working on and every time I do one I make more headway in forgiving myself. Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x