Thank you everyone you've given me plenty to think about. My plan really at the minute consists of tools to keep myself safe from alcohol and SR (a lot) and recovery reading. I need to step it up but I'm not really sure what direction to go.....much of life has improved and I have 2 jobs and 2 girls to keep me very busy. But this feeling I have right now is incredibly uncomfortable. I don't believe it is because I'm having to fight to stay sober. I have a big acceptance of what drink means for me and it is off the table. However living life without it that's another matter.....and yes I believe that my brain has a hell of a lot of healing to do too. The longer I am sober the more aware I am of the damage that's been done and realistically this is a much longer road than I conned myself to believe it'd be. Patience is something I'm poor at but I've no choice. In terms of AA I'm still open to it. I've been before but I found being female was an issue in terms of finding a sponsor. Really just because there are hardly any where I am. Am I procrastinating? I really don't know. But work is required I know that.
This is my kind of declaration to myself so I can't hide anymore.....
Thanks again ❤❤❤