"It's a toxic way of thinking I'm sure but how do I get to the point where I do care and CAN be present at the same time."
welp, seems that stopping drinking and gettin into action with one of the recovery programs available may help.
Velocity, imo you are waaaaaayyyyyy overthinking everything.
its simple:
you either WANT to stop drinking or you dont.
do you WANT to stop drinking? do you want to be sober more than you want to drink?
heres the problem:
" I would plan on quitting but not really do anything about it."
theres a solution for that,too
i started drinking at 13. i got sober at 36. at one time alcohol was my master- i did whatever it wanted me to. i listened to it telling me nothing matters. i listened to it telling me not drinking sucks.
i realized it was a liar. i stopped listening to it and found a new master.