TM - everything you are feeling is normal. I'm also going to recommend you check out AA, because you used the word surrender and have indicated you are willing to do whatever it takes. I had tried to quit several times on my own, but after DUI #3 (!!!) I finally gave in and realized my way wasn't working. I started going to AA and also went to outpatient treatment. It's working - I have a little over 2 and a half years sober now and can't really even imagine ever drinking again. Don't be like me - don't get 3 DUI's before you get a handle on this. Trust me - going to jail isn't fun, and I'll have that on my record forever (still a misdemeanor in my state, but still - doesn't look real great.)