Interesting wording..'I surrender'. I am not an AA zealot, but the first 'step' is to admit powerlessness over drinking alcohol. Also 'willing to go to any lengths' to stop drinking. Seeing as your thinking is that way inclined- perhaps for support- going to AA meetings and finding a sponsor (a guide if you will) may help you. It is like FREE therapy. I do AA and have a sponsor- if nothing else it gets me out of my isolation and socialising. Also I learn stuff. Food for thought..