I hope you are feeling better now SS. I know about those rough days. They suck. I used to have quite a temper myself. What happened with me and my outbursts was the same thing that happened with drinking. In both cases, I decided the consequences of my actions were simply too great and I had to change my behaviors if I wanted to avoid the never ending shitstorms that came with doing things on autopilot. I had to look deeply and learn to stop, step back, and observe what was happening to me, without reacting. Very difficult to do, especially since I had been very reactive my whole life. But it's doable.
Someday you will be neither owing thousands of dollars nor drunk. You will sort these things because you don't want to live this way. You can do this! Hang tight!