update
Update: It ended up to be a good day afterall...I played with my grandson, baked myself a cheesecake and had a bubblebath. I didn't have to worry about an 'anniversary meal' at all. He came home from his buddy's inebrieated (after 9+ hours of drinking) and went to bed within an hour of being home. Within that hour he took a muscle relaxer and a pain pill on top of all that beer (he says he drinks one every 20 minutes) and all his heart meds...The only time I saw him was when he got up to use the restroom, and he was so confused and disoriented it was scary. I took his b/p to make sure it wasn't so low that he needed medical assistence. I prayed that HP would take care of him, and just 'let go and let God'.
I tried remembering other anniversary's that were happy, and found I couldn't...with the exeption of the first one, he's always spent our anniversary either away with one of his buddies, with his brother, or at the bar...not with me. (When I was getting chemo and was extremely ill, he spent the whole evening at the bar.) I accept that he accepts that this is OK and I can do nothing about it. I was just scared when I wrote yesterday that he would 'start something' and was afraid that I would lapse back into codie behaviour. I know having this 'chemo brain' just adds to my fog and confusion sometimes and I just wanted to make sure I was coming from 'the right place.' Thank you all for your responses that helped me keep on the right track.