Kbosse

To answer your question to why im not checking into a facility well its kinda complicated. I dont have money at all I have a wonderful boyfriend who has the money. I know its not good to keep secerets but in order to pay for a treatment center i would have to tell him I relapsed and I would rather not tell him. Ae have been together for 9 years and the whole time i havr been on drug now im not stupif he has to know im on something ( i have track marks every where) i dont know if he chooses not to know it. I dont know if he is in denial or what but to him i wouldnt do that kinda thing. Everyone tells him but he says there is know way i would do this to him because i know how he feels about drugs, it eould jeopardize his business so in his eyes im perfect. He tells people he has never seen me high. Well the answer is hes never seen me sober. Hes walked on me shooting up but i am diabetics so i do take insulin but we all know you dont put insulin in your vains.Hes found drug tools around the house. He sees my track marks but he still dont believe im a addict. Ive tried to tell him but then half way through i back out and change my story. The guilt of the lies the amount of money ive spent is killing me. This relationship started out as a sugar daddy kinda thing to me but for him it was a real relationship. I was even dating someone else and together we decided i would pretend to like this man for his money. This isnt the kinda of person i am but the drugs took a hold of me. We spent 90 thousand dollars of his money in 3 months. I even had my real boyfriend which we just broke up about 6 montbs ago living in the house with Brian and i. Brian never k ewhe was living there our house is big enough that he wouldnt run into each other. Well over the time i started to have feeling for Brian it was more then the money so i had 2 guys i was in love with a very big drug problem and the guilt of what i was doing was killing me. So to make a long story short i got cought with 20 percets went to river city corrections for 5 months and got clean. Brian stuck with me and took care while i was in treatment. I told him i was addicted to pills because i have had many knee surgery and perscribed pills. So he believed that. Any ways the other guy abonded me while i was in traetment apparently he was only there for the drugs for the last 8 years. Since i was clean he needed someone who would keep him well. When i got out i went home to Brian and we had a awesome relationship and i was sober but then i relapsed and ive spent 70p already today just by myself but i feel with all the money i spent on drugs there is no way i can ask him to pay for detox. I believe i need to do this cold turkey to really remember what i weny through and to never put myself back here and i cant bear to break Brians heart and tell him i relapsed on " pills" really heroin, cocaine and crack. So this is why im not going to a facility. I have decided thursday will be the day i start!