Hello, L. I am very sad for the horrifying childhood you had to endure and for your life which has held such sorrow and loss. This is a great place for help, advice and support. I wish there were more help for people with addictions-it often seems like a very cruel world-but there is hope in a life of sobriety. Perhaps there are community resources or the Salvation Army; my friend was not religious but their program helped him a lot. I care about you and so do many others here; you are not alone. Wishing you all the good things.