Welcome. Sure can be a messed up ride, huh?
It still amazes me to what lengths addiction destroys lives. You'd think a DUI would be enough to quit, or divorce, or losing your job. Addiction doesn't stop destroying until you stop using. It keeps getting worse until you either find your bottom or die.
It's like driving 100mph towards a wall. We have the choice to turn or apply the breaks, instead we accelerate. It's frustrating. Believe me..i know. I've been there.
In my case, I was lucky. I found my bottom after losing a 20yr career, 15yr marriage, my house, my money, and all my belongings beyond what fit in a car. It could have been worse. My bottom could have been being homeless...or worse.
The day I stopped was the day I started. That was a huge mental shift for me. My focus moved from wanting to quit drinking to wanting to live a better life. It became a lot easier for me when I started thinking what I CAN do vs what I can't do.
You CAN see a doctor, you CAN go to an AA mtg, you also CAN try another recovery group (I suggest rational recovery), you CAN read everything SR has to offer......the list can go on and on.