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Old 06-19-2017, 04:44 AM
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jessicadawnruiz
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 3
Lost in an Alcoholic Mess

Hey, everyone, I have been reading a few posts on this site, and much of it sounds like my life. However, my situation is a bit unique. I am an alcoholic, and I have been with someone who is also alcoholic for the past seven years.

Last year, he crashed my car when he was very drunk. He was on a suspended driver's license and my car had no insurance. Due to this fact, they suspended my driver's license until one of us can pay the $20,000 worth of damages to the other vehicle.

Following the accident, we both got sober for six months. It was the best six months I can remember for a long time, and he even proposed, to which I said yes. Then, he started sneaking vodka. It only got worse. Eventually, I fell off the wagon, too. I am now in a position where I know I need to get my act together, but he is not on board. When I asked him if he wanted to try to quit with me, he said no without hesitation. I bought him a bus ticket to go back to live with his mom, and he shows no emotion about it at all.

I love him. He and I obviously have a lot in common. However, when he gets drunk, he is a different person. He seems to have a demon inside of him, and he says things that are scary. He blames everything on me.... even his DUI when he crashed my car. He said he left that day because I had told him to leave about 12 hours prior. Keep in mind, I was asleep when he took off in my car with a .031 BAC. His mother also said it was my fault and that I should have not let him drive the car since I knew it didn't have insurance. She even BLAMED IT ON THE FACT THAT HE WASN'T WEARING HIS GLASSES WHEN HE CRASHED! I find that incredible!

I am ready for him to go. I just know that, as soon as he's gone, I'm going to go into a depression like I always do and then ask for him to come back. Any suggestions? How do I deal with just letting him go and forgetting the good times? Forgetting all the good memories that do linger in this home? Also, I have my own business, and it does require some heavy lifting at times as I review various products and have to move them from my studio out to the storage shed. He also runs my cameras for the videos I make. I feel like I need him, and I hate it.
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