When she tells me that she has severe anxiety and complains of her thoughts and self-loathing I tell her I understand and that she most likely has PTSD and or Rape Trauma Syndrome and that she needs help. She refuses to talk about it to anybody. She says she can't talk to a counselor and the only thing she will say is "Ive been sexually abused". I say that's okay that that's a start. The likelihood of her going is slim. She can't keep an appointment.
It's that coping mechanism kicking in again. She probably dealt with the abuse as a child by just pretending that it never existed, which is what my sister did in spades. The alcohol probably helps her maintain that fantasy as an adult. But what helped in the past certainly doesn't help her now. And how can you learn new ways of coping as an adult if your brain is already set on another? And when I ask that question, I start feeling hopeless. Then I start feeling guilty because it's like I gave up. Then I start getting angry at myself AND her because we both gave up.
Thanks everyone for letting me share. Sorry for all of my typos and grammatical errors! That you for this site. It helps to share and read.
I'm glad you're here too.