LadyBlue0527

As hard as it is for me at this very moment to write this I need to. I hope that when you read this you'll get something positive out of it that you can use to help combat thoughts of drinking when you're dealing with pain.

I had to put my cat down last night. He was 10 and had contracted diabetes. I had no issue with administering the shots that we were going to have to give daily or what we were going to have to do to monitor his levels. The problem is he wasn't dealing well with the insulin and things were getting worse. Last night when I gave him his shot of insulin it was clear that things were not moving in the right direction. He could barely walk, he had no control of his hind end, and he began howling on and off. It's because the dose was too high because of his lack of eating. I could get into this more but I don't want to write a book and it's not my point. What was coming for him on Monday was going to be more for him to go through. He was going to be admitted and a feeding tube inserted along with them rehydrating him. Life was just not going to be good. Plus, what I was witnessing last night was like watching him go through torture so I knew the time had come.

The reason I'm writing this is because I can't even begin to describe the pain I'm feeling right now. It's horrendous. There is a hole in my heart and an emptiness in this house that are killing me. I am devastated.

I have been through this before with my cat that was 20. At that point in my life I was still drinking. I used alcohol to numb myself when I knew the time was coming. I used alcohol to put off what was inevitable, which caused my kitty more pain than necessary because I was being selfish rather than doing the right thing. Finally, I used alcohol once she was gone to deaden the pain further.

I sit here and reflect on that point in my life. The difference in the pain from that time and now. One thing is very clear to me. Although alcohol helped me to escape the reality of what happened it also greatly delayed the healing that I needed to do in order to get back to what would become the new normal.

I sit here and reflect on my cat and what he had to go through and what I am going through right now. With as much pain as I'm in I am so grateful that I no longer drink. I know that I am dealing with a lot and feeling a lot right now but I also know that allowing myself to deal with this sober is going to get me back to the new normal far more quickly than holding on to the pain by delaying the healing through drinking.

Alcohol does not help in tough times. On the contrary, it keeps you from dealing with what you need to in order to heal. Please remember this the next time something devastating happens. Alcohol is only going to stop you from moving past the intense pain.

In memory of Waffles who has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and runs free in the fields. No more pain.