Mizz- I AM PJ.. Much easier, I sound like a bit character in a 70's crime drama. Or pyjama's. Mindfulness- watching others die and contemplating our own existence...you are moving out of the concrete world of just drinking. There has to be more to it.. I believe. Maybe not Gandalf sitting on a white cloud promising an eternity of joy for one lifetime of being 'good'.
Whether it is fact, a truism, just a distorted mem. or a hallucination induced nightmare from the pain and drugs- I have tasted my own mortality. I do not find it to be a scary place- it is is 'just is' place. I will keep doing reruns (flashbacks?) and trying to accept that I will never truly understand. Connecting dots....why? To understand a journey in such definitive terms- needs a place of origin- a destination and a route. I have none of those. However 3 phases in life- birth, death and that grey area in the middle.