Originally Posted by
Cocobeano 
Honestly, nothing. Taking care if others. I have never had anything really. Hence drinking. It was my hobby, keeping me from actually to find something. It was easy. Unlimited.
Coco, I can relate.
As a mom, taking care of others is my main thing. But that also is what I all of a sudden realized: that the only time I had to myself was being used up by planning for drinking, drinking, and then feeling terrible and recovering from drinking. What a miserable existence. THAT was my "reward"? It's a dead end. When I looked back and thought of all the things I used to do... and realized it had been years since I'd done them... it was because I had replaced them with the hobby of alcohol.
Imagine if we were honest, say, filling out a form for a new group or job about our activities: "Hi! My main skill and hobby is buying bottles, pulling out corks or screwing off tops, and drinking alcohol while hiding the extent of it from my friends and family! Avoiding early morning commitments because I know I'll feel too awful to go! Running around from store to store buying wine so the clerks won't always recognize me! Wasting entire weekends drinking and sleeping and as a result not being able to do anything else. Proud!"
It's ridiculous. But then we feel sorry for ourselves not being able to do it anymore. It wasn't glamorous, it wasn't elegant, it wasn't a reward. It was heartache, damaging to ourselves and our families, masquerading as something we "deserved". We deserve better.
This is as much a pep talk for me as you, Coco!
Hang in there.
