I can;t balme you for haveng thoughts Jeff, but that guy who behaved that way is not the guy you are now.
You're not 15 and planning to party cos the folks are out of town - you're a mature fully fledged adult who's been to hell and back because of his addiction.
If you need to, go read some old threads - or just roll up your rtrouser leg and look at your leg.
That was then, this is now
D