Big hugs to you Roses. Oh boy do I get the financial aspects of DUI's, so sorry you are going through this! I found that nothing I said or did on behalf of my husbands legal issues or detox and rehab decisions spared our family from the downfall initially. What I found that helped me and my 2 sons the most was to gift money to them before it was all gone (it wasn't a lot, but enough to help us feel safe should we have to uproot and move at any given time without AH). Things are not easy at all. I have one son working now, still living with me, but have asked him to keep his money separate until the divorce is final. My other son had to quit college this spring term and is looking for work. We make due with a small salary I make and are considered below poverty level, yet not below enough to qualify for assistance....crazy as it is I am happy about that.
You can do this Roses, but you need to do for you and the kids first because you cannot pull him out of the clutches of his disease, he has to, otherwise you are wasting your time and precious resources. As much as it seems counter productive in a marriage, the only hope he has is for YOU to let him take care of HIS business (rehab, legal issues with the dui/court/jail, detox), while YOU take care of YOU and the kids without counting on his help. Please keep updating us on how it's going and look into Alanon!