Originally Posted by
Ariesagain 
Maybe ask yourself why you find that appealing in a lover? He's not a partner, he's married to someone else, and he throws a tantrum every time things don't go his way.
Why is this something you find so irresistible?
I don't at all, hence tonight's fight. I think I've just let it go for so long always feeling it's my fault (like tonight when he said I spoiled the evening). I internalize that and then spend the time where he forgives me or he apologizes for his behavior and then I try to make up for what I take as my fault.
The early days of our relationship were like that too, even before the drinking reared itself. The blame and fear and what I saw as punishment when I did something benign that he thought was grounds for ending the relationship. I remember always trying to repent in a way, in fact I think I even used the word once when he drilled into me about past proclivities that I engaged in before we met ("I've repented those sins forgive me"). Anyhow I just thought tonight was interesting bc I usually keep quiet so I don't upset his expectations (safe zone, intimacy, laughs, love, etc.) It's small, but I guess I felt a little more powerful -