hi and welcome. I'm sorry to hear the battle you are having, your story sounds very similar to my own. wine o clock, turned slowly but surely to wine around the clock. I have 2 kids, 9 and 7. You have admitted your drinking is out of your control, and that really is a very hard acceptance to come to, and the start of something great. You are looking at a fork in the road, and some don't get that opportunity, they bypass it or stick their head in the sand, and you aren't doing that. You are here and this is a fantastic resource. I had 4 months totally sober, just from using this site alone, imagine what can be done if I had used the extra resources as well?! which is exactly what I am planning to do, to make my last slight relapse (1 evening), my last ever.
My partner also had enough of my drinking, left me several times and only returned if I promised if I sorted it out, and has only stayed as I have shown real willing, not just lip service. My kids were aware I drank wine and I only understood how they viewed it when I went to buy some wine with the shopping and my 5 year old said 'oh no, not wine again, it makes you cry' (which it did as I was drinking through grief myself). I haven't forgotten how mortified and guilty I felt, however sadly it didn't stop me until a few months later, is amazing what isn't enough to stop you. You are right in what you say, you couldn't understand why your mother didn't just quit, it takes such a grip and you blindly into it. But you do now. I drank for years socially, then just one day it changed. Now I can never go back to being a social drinker, it got me good.
I don't have a huge amount of advice as I'm still learning, but I know certain things helped me. One was being here regulalarly and taking inspiration. second was making lists of reasons to quit handy. To start to imagine what possibilities a life without hangovers can have, what goals you want to achieve for yourself and family. Sobriety is worth the effort put in, I promise you that! Its why I want it so badly too, once you have a taste of it, you realise you have just been existing previously. Now you really get to live, and to be who you want to be for you, and your little boy. I wish you all the best. Today can be your day 1, you just need to plan a different routine for tonight, perhaps log on here too, its saved me manier times. you will be amazed what changing a routine can do though. I would love to see you here tomorrow for day 2!