Originally Posted by
batchel9 
This is me also. I do love this man, but like an older annoying brother kind of love. Not as a husband. I don't want this life anymore. However it is convenient, and arguably better for my kids at this point. And because the arrangements after divorce seem dauntingly ugly right now. I don't know how to get passed this point. I'm afraid I will regret my decision. I mean, what if this is the time he gets sober for real...right?!
Im not going to begin trashing your husband because to me that is not productive. What you said above is really what I think you need to focus on in my opinion. Your future. It may be really scary to admit that even if he was sober, your feelings for this man have changed. You have a lot of life ahead of you and while there could be some discomfort initially - it can lead to much happiness in the future. Im expecting my first child so I think about the aspects of parenthood all the time. My personal opinion is that kids will be most happy in an environment where the parents (alone or together) are most happy.
If you havent seen a family attorney, I would suggest that you do this just to get some insight of what custody might look like based on your specific situation. I would also suggest considering calling you medical center and asking for references to a licensed therapist/psychologist (which is something I use) to help you sort through a lot of your own feelings. Just taking the leap to explore the things you fear, can actually help eliminate those fears, or put them in better perspective. I think you get to make your own timetable, so dont let him rush you into making any decisions.