honeypig

Ha, more echoes, Rayn--your post reminded me of a time that I said more or less that same thing to XAH. I said that he needed to decide what he wanted, and if it was to be with me, then he'd need to make things right w/me, convince me. I got that same line, "how am I supposed to do this, to jump through hoops that I don't even know what they are, blah, blah."

Yes. He IS a grown-a$$ man, and what he was telling me loud and clear, but that I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR, was that he was absolutely uninterested in changing anything. If an adult truly wants something, generally they can figure out a number of possible ways to get it, but yet he was completely stumped...

Now I can see this as if it's written in neon 30 feet high, but at the time, I had my fingers in my ears and was going LALALALALA for all I was worth! My feelings were hurt--didn't he want me? I was angry--how dare he not want me, how dare he lie to me, etc. I was scared--how would I make it w/o him, financially and otherwise? I had a lot invested in not seeing or admitting the truth myself.

And I could have blamed that on him, and I did blame it on him for quite some time, but lately I see that I had the power of choice all along but chose not to exercise it, still fricking waiting for someone else to step in and run my life for me.

Now? When I find myself in a situation where I'm saying or thinking to someone else "YOU need to decide...", I stop and change the wording. I need to decide!!

And I'm 2 years post divorce and just figuring this out recently...