Good morning everyone. I always find with these threads (and I've joined quite a few) so many join it's hard to keep up so apologies if it takes me a while to get used to people.
It was my second night last night. I know the drill it was nightmare night last night. I'm still fuzzy headed and I've always wondered what causes that. I'm still over thinking last week. I know time will be the only thing that will help that.
I'm sorry if I was a little self centred yesterday. I actually e-mailed a councillor but she's not got back to me yet. It's a very selfish thing that we have - when you are drinking you mess everyone up around you as they try and pick up the pieces of your absence but then you stop and it's all about you still as you try and figure things out.
I was worried my eldest wouldn't speak to me for a long time as his childhood was seriously affected by my drinking and he hates me for that but he spoke to me this morning. I had decided to just give him space and not force it. I don't want my younger 2 to be affected in the same way - they were wary of me once I sobered up so I know they saw stuff. My youngest told his friends mum that I was being lazy in bed!
It's Saturday and we have a few errands to do. I have really filled my time with things because a big danger time for me is when I have nothing to do. Everyday normally we are up and out every day by 8.30 with one thing or another. Maybe I try and do too much - I don't really have downtime because there aren't any activities I enjoy to relax to. I do walk a lot though often on my own.
Now time has passed I think I know what triggered the last binge (well the continuation of it anyway). I need to be careful - hopefully if I can get to the councillor they can help with that.
The relapses are exhausting - each time I say that's the last time and every time so far it's not been. Hopefully this time it really will be the last time.
Also I've been pondering this too. I enjoy drinking, in the house on my own, and it's the affect it has on my family that makes me want to stop. I worry that when I eventually end up on my own which will happen once the kids grow up - where I will end up. I wonder if that death is my fate.