After 6 years of not drinking.....I relapsed.
Ok.
Highly disappointed in myself.
I was doing so great for so long, (6 years of no alcohol. Anything.) but last June, something happened. And I picked it up again. My husband, his depression went out of control. He was in outpatient for six months. (For depression.) It took a toll on me and def. our marriage. I stopped eating. I just became so depressed. I went from 120 pounds to 109. And this was in the span of… A month, maybe? Maybe less? So, at the convenient store, I saw the wine, and thought "why the hell not? I'm miserable."
I even considered leaving him for his "best friend." That is so messed up isn't it??? I cut things off with his "best friend" completely. So ashamed of that as well. But husband has forgiven me. (What a trooper. dear Lord.) I believe that my husband and our relationship NOW is doing very well. But, (he as well) has begun drinking daily. We have been drinking together....In the evening. Sometimes mid to late afternoon… Starting around 3, earliest. And this is EVERYDAY. - I'm so ashamed. I have a fresh five year old daughter for Christ's sake. I still am a happy playful stay at home mom. Go places with her during the day. (NOT while drinking.) and I exercise...fully functioning, here. But, every afternoon/evening, the urge is so f'ing powerful. I feel so powerless. Like I did 6 years ago. Felt powerless.
My newborn was the reason I stopped and I swore I would never pick it up again. A liar, I am.
I can go through a bottle of wine and three beers like nothing. Every night.
I am 32 now, and I know this is wreaking havoc on my body and I might have terrible consequences in the long run.
I have contacted a rehab facility, but Lord , unGodly expensive, and a month away from my child who just accepted into an amazing private school? She wouldn't get it, and I definitely can't shell out 20 grand at the moment.
My family, exception of my husband, have NO CLUE. Say they are proud of me. (I want to cry buckets every time I hear that. Awful.)
Ok, you guys have helped so many people in the past. So many people. I have not been on this message board sense, 2013, I think? I need your help. Please. I need you to be my cheerleaders here. I will keep my phone by my side and bookmark this page.
Any advice or tips you can give me would be great. Apparently I can get sober if a fetus is in my uterus, but, I really do not want another child… And who is to say that it would not happen again? I need help guys. I'm desperate. Much love.
-Nat